Book Review: Just Gimme Those Old Time Star Trek--Musicals? by Theresa Gauthier

 How Much for Just the Planet? By John M. Ford

There have been dozens (if not hundreds!) of Star Trek books published since the show first aired in 1966. I’ve read a good number of them, and back in the day, I read each one as it was released. Forced to cut back as the flurry of new publications made it hard for me to keep up, I’ve reflected in recent months on many of my old favorites. 

How Much for Just the Planet? By John M. Ford was always an enigma. Funny, unique, unusual—a Star Trek novel with Captain Kirk on the cover dressed in a Tuxedo? What madness was this? I remember staring at the cover at the bookstore wondering about that. In political circumstances on the show, he’d have been in his dress uniform. Why would he wear a tux? 

Why indeed? On top of that, why would Scotty and Chekov play golf with Klingon officers? (Golf? Really?) Why would the Enterprise’s food dispensers get stuck making just one thing over and over in what one officer classifies as an obsession? There’s so much going on in this book that it might take several reads to be sure you don’t miss anything.

There are plenty of people who don’t get it. The book has a solid rating on Goodreads, but even then the book is not without its detractors. This is fair. It’s really nothing like any other Star Trek adventure you’ve ever read or seen. 

The book is number 36 in the series of numbered novels, and was published in October 1987. Competing with the Klingons for the right to develop a planet with a rich supply of Dilithium, the crew of the Enterprise attempts to persuade the inhabitants that the Federation is the better choice. What ensues isn’t what you might expect. Because of the Organian Peace Treaty, the planet goes to the side that can best develop the planet and its resources. That’s the premise that holds the rest of the plot together. Played for comedy and for fun—feeling almost like it must be one great in-joke for loyal, long-time fans/readers as well as for Ford and other Trek writers, the book reads like a musical.

Yes, a musical. 

The inhabitants of the planet Direidi break into song on occasion, and the crew of the Enterprise and her Klingon counterparts get swept up in the absurdity. Yes, the song lyrics are included in the text of the novel. Some snippets of lyrics are longer than others—some close to a full page and others no more than a few lines. Yes, they’re absurd, funny, ridiculous, but don’t assume that the book is full of page upon page of songs. There’re scattered here and there through the text, and if you’re like me, you’ll reread some of them again and again trying to figure out just how they’d sound if they were indeed sung. Then there are the guest appearances.  The author and others make cameos in the book.

The Stage Manager is the book’s author, John M. Ford himself. Pete Blackwood is in actuality writer Peter Morwood. Pam is writer Pamela Dean. Author Ann Crispin makes an appearance as Lieutenant Ann while Janeka is writer Janet Kagan. The character Princess Dee Dee the First is writer Diane Duane. My favorite is Ilen the Magian—none other than writer Neil Gaiman.

The book is an absolute blast. It’s the written equivalent of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s musical episode Once More with Feeling, or Psych The Musical or Once Upon a Time’s The Song in Your Heart— Except it’s, you know, a novel.

The comedy comes, I suppose, from the absurdity. All the Original series regulars have a part in the story, most larger than roles they might have had if it had been one of the original 79 episodes. Scotty and Chekov play golf. Uhura has a long scene with the Neil Gaiman character, and, as I’ve mentioned, there’s an absurd glitch with the food dispensers. 

If you’re looking for the lighter side of Star Trek, this is the book you want to read. Copies are available all over the internet, and in thrift stores and used bookstores.